Illusion of Mind

I only seek an illusion of mind
that involves you to the touch.
I only feel warmth of that memory
and all that is complex.
Made you disappear without a trace
If only you would listen
and hear the lifetimes in between.
Somewhere along the way
you lost me to reality
to wife and kids that settled in.
I am in no part of this dream
and haven't been for years.
Why do you expect of me
to not run away from this fakeness?
For now I will hold my hardened heart
and search for more of my laughter
even if you have lost your own.