A Poem for Todd

A Poem for Todd

I often wonder
what it would mean
had I not have to think
about you this way.

But here I am
and here you are not

Three years later
and I remember more.

You girlfriend from school
and her spanish eyes
Our friendly encounters
over blue and white tracks.

Tiny pieces unfold
in my folded memory

That rainy September day
as I walked off the bus
you calmed my fears
of being so new
and walked me to meet
my destined path
green suitcase in hand.

I never thanked you
for being you who
opened me up to be me.

It is years past
and 14 years removed
and years later
I say good bye again
to a friend I never really knew
as today will always be
to think of you

***
Todd was the very first person I had met when I got off that bus and onto the campus of my high school some 350 miles away from home. I was a fresh faced teenager scared beyond my wits, knowing I had embarked on a new journey that would transform who I was to be. He was a reassuring senior, who led me to where I needed to go on that rainy September morning. A month later I found out that he was the captain of the indoor track team, which I joined. I lost touch with him after he graduated, and I moved on with my own life, not really thinking about anyone from that school until 9/11, when I found out that he was among those who died. I couldn't bring myself to go to his funeral that October, but since then I've visited him every year to say good bye to a friend I never really knew.